in my dreams...

This morning, I took my shower and lay down on the couch to "rest." Nearly three hours later, with crazy lion hair, I awake from this dream:

I was in my father's apartment. (He doesn't have an apartment) I opened his freezer and pulled out a box, like the box of my Annie's Chocolate Bunny Grahams. Inside the box I find several packages. In one is some chocolate puffy cereal squares. In another package there is some toffee, then one filled with cream cheese, and another with ice cream. The instructions were to crush the chocolate squares and the toffee, mix it all together, freeze it, and then enjoy a scrumptious frozen chocolatey ice creamy dessert. As I was crushing the chocolate squares...

JM comes in the room and his entrance wakes me up. In my groggy state of mind I realize the dessert was not real. This is heartbreaking. I go back to sleep and dream...

I am going into Taco Bueno with my family. A friend has given me a homemade burrito to eat. It's a bean and cheese burrito. The flavors are magical. I had never had beans so beany or cheese so cheesy. I could have gone on eating that burrito forever. But it was not to be...

My husband walks through the room again. My burrito vanishes. I am laying on the couch, thirsty, hungry, and with crazy lion hair that came from not drying it after my shower.

Ah, cruel reality...

Ultrasounds and Meatloaf

Hmmm, where to start... Touring while pregnant, birthday, first ultrasound, meatloaf and mashed potatoes...

Well at this point touring hasn't been too difficult. I think the guys would say they barely noticed our little tag-a-long. Well, except my claiming the back bench seat for the whole trip, and the "preggo mamma needs food NOW" thing, and the passing out and puking and things...

Wait, did I say passing out and puking? Yeah, it's just one of those things. I do it even when I'm not pregnant. Hit my elbow or my knee and BAM! I'm on the floor unconscious. You know, just a normal day in the life of a Han. (*not that normal. every couple years on average.) But I think that pregnancy added to my recovery time this time when it happened on tour. And my body took that opportunity to cram all the morning sickness I've been missing out on into a few hours. So that was exciting. I do give Matt kudos for being a great puke assistant. Thanks Matt!

I did experience a birthday while on tour. I am now a 27-year-old pregnant lady. This is the life! My awesome parents-in-law took us out for the best Japanese food I have EVER eaten, and I ate more than I had in the whole month before. YUM. Also got some pretty great things like a hand mixer (which I have been needing), a photo album with mine and JM's complete journey together so far, and a SEWING MACHINE. Yay! Plus family in Arizona took the opportunity to early baby-shower us, since we were in town, and they brought little onesies and receiving blankets and oh the cuteness cuteness cuteness! I teared up several times imagining the little baby that will fill those things. It's almost unreal.

But to make it more real, JM and I had the incredible experience of having our first ultrasound yesterday. Oh man, I can hardly describe the feeling. Seeing little one bobbing and bouncing around inside of me. A real person, a tiny little person with a personality and a soul and a spirit that will exist forever. A person we will know and love forever. Our baby, our child. It was our first glimpse. It was a magical moment. Love was born.

Baby Fridenmaker, 10 weeks 6 days

In other news, and speaking of hand mixers, tonight I made MASHED POTATOES for the first time ever, and it was a glorious thing. Add that to corn and meatloaf, and I felt like I landed myself back at my own mother's castle. JM had a salmon burger, kind of. Ezekiel bread doesn't make for a very good bun.

That's it. Those are all my thoughts. Goodnight, world.

-H

Birth Centers and What All I Don't Know

Today JM and I took a tour of St Joseph's Medical Center, a hospital in the area which has a midwife group and birthing center inside of it. It was a little overwhelming, just because I hadn't met with anyone yet, and didn't really know what questions to ask. But afterwards I can say that I feel a little more oriented and will have a better idea of what to expect when we tour other birth centers, which we hope to do this week. Hope to settle on something soon so we can get in for our/my first real check-up.

As far as I go, I'm feeling pretty good. I get a little sick feeling here and there, but nowhere near what some of my friends have had to deal with. My biggest preggo symptoms are fatigue and weird appetite syndrome. Meaning, I try to eat healthy but there are a lot of things I just cannot force down my throat. When that happens, I just eat Doritos and popsicles. Probably need to curb that...

-H

6 weeks 6 days

My tummy is getting a little harder to pacify as the days go by
But I am waiting for you
I'm reading books and wondering what happens next
I'm getting used to feeling "not quite right" as I go about my day
But I know it won't last forever
It may get worse for a bit, but it won't last forever
And then I'll have you

I read a book by someone who didn't know how special you were
Someone who didn't know you were being knit by the God of the universe
Someone who didn't know you are more blessing than inconvenience
I put that book away

Your daddy knows though
He knows that it will be better to have you than to have had more "time to ourselves"
He knows that there are changes ahead and he is not afraid of them
He knows that God is knitting you inside of me
And that you were given to us in perfect timing
For a perfect purpose
He is helping me remember

So blessings on your mind as it is being formed
Blessings on your body as it is taking shape
Blessings on your soul, know that you are loved
Blessings on your spirit as you're touched by His very hands
May you know Him now and forever

Mommy Musings

5 Weeks 6 Days

JM and I found out on Mother's Day. We were elated, though I have to admit I was shaking for the first hour. Finding out that you have a living person growing inside of you is kind of a big deal. I almost didn't know what to do with the information. It was too big. My whole life was changing from that moment forward. I trembled at the enormity of the discovery.

But slowly it sank in, and my trembling turned to excitement until I couldn't contain it any longer. And then, Text messages! Phone calls! Announcements to parents! My excitement grew and exploded out of me in a rush of bubbly silliness and dancing. We are having a BABY!!!

So now begins the waiting game, the research, the preparation. The curiosity, the eagerness to know what pronoun to use. Everyone's first response to our announcement was that it was going to be a girl. First hunches like that can be fun, but how are you ever to know whether to trust them? I guess that's what makes having them so fun. If it is, in fact, a girl, lots of friends will get to grin and say "Told you so!" And if it is a boy, then the others who don't trust hunches so much will grin and say "You never can tell with these things!"

I have thought of a name for a girl. It was the first one that caught my eye when I looked at baby names on a whim one night. And, honestly, it hasn't left me yet. The meaning of it haunts me, in the best way possible. Maybe a small feminine beauty will appear and slip into the name in my heart; maybe she will need an entirely different name to fit her frame. Maybe it will be a little man of promise and destiny who will claim a noble title yet to be discovered.

So I muse, and I feel things in my heart, but all will come to light in time. Then I will begin to discover what "mother's intuition" is, what love is, what a child is, and who mine is. And that is something to look forward to for sure.

-H

New Blogventure

Hello all,

This is but another attempt at regular blogging. Up to this point I've never been good at keeping a blog up, but I'd really like to try again for the discipline, for the practice at writing, and for the general information of all my friends and family who might be bored and browsing, and who might find something interesting or enjoyable in the tales of my life or ramblings of my brain.

And who knows, maybe I can persuade my husband to put in two cents every once in a while.

I would love to post regular pictures, but the batteries in my camera died and NOW what am I supposed to do???

-Hannah