What a different life I'm living than I was January 1 a year ago! Having a child has been the most wondrous, challenging, beautiful, fulfilling thing I have ever experienced. Who knew you could love like this? And who knew you could live on so little sleep?
Samuel is my daily joy, my laughter, my delight. He's so alert, inquisitive, watchful. And happy. He's a happy baby. Which is all my mommy-heart needs to know, even if I don't know how to get him to sleep through the night or not put the computer charger in his mouth or, for gosh sakes, to stop eating leaves. He gets so many comments from strangers about his big blue eyes. "Oh, he's going to be trouble!" they say. "Heartbreaker!" they say. Nah... he's gonna be handsome and kind, like his daddy.
But those eyes. Sometimes he looks at me and I think, "This kid knows me better than I know myself." He's deep, I tell ya. I imagine him in the future, carrying wisdom and understanding in a special way. Can't wait to see what he becomes.
I don't like to think about him being grown up. I know it will come way too soon. :)
And then we moved to Redding. It's been a good season for us as a family. JM has been busy running sound, working with the Worship Room and interning with the Bethel broadcast studio. We've enjoyed the more "normal" schedule, much different than the last few years we spent traveling.
I stay home much of the time. We put Sam on a nap/bedtime schedule soon after we moved, so that has limited my involvement with the Bethel community a little bit. They don't schedule things around baby nap times in the church world. Or anywhere in the world, for that matter. ;) But I did recently pick up a devotional set in the Worship Room once a week, and that has been good for me.
I guess I spent most of 2012 doing absolutely nothing musically or worship related. That was unusual, but I was OK with it. With my devo set, I feel like I'm kind of starting over... practicing piano, building song repertoire slowly, one by one. I feel like a beginner all over again, but I don't mind it. It makes me feel like I have room to make mistakes. When I felt like I was supposed to have it all together and be an awesome worship leader, it paralyzed me many times. I couldn't move forward for fear of failure. That fear probably still needs to be dealt with for real... but I am grateful for non-pressure situation to reintroduce me to stage ministry/worship leading after my little break.
|Second Anniversary Date|
Texas Brisket + Texas Pit Sauce
Spiritually... My life with God looks nothing like it used to. Sometimes I find Him in the day to day, and that is oh so sweet. I am comforted in knowing that I am not rejected by Him because of my spiritual inactivity, but that He is near me at every moment. But largely, I feel I could use an awakening of some sort. An awakening of my heart to love, desire, seek after Him as I used to. It will look different, for sure, with my mom-schedule. But to have the same desire in my heart for Him and all that He has; that would be good.
I guess that's all. And a few New Years Resolutions, for good measure:
- Get back in shape! Need cheap gym membership with child care...
- Learn to put things away immediately after I use them -- the key to keeping a clean house?
- Schedule an evening devotional time after Sam goes to sleep. I think if I just sat and talked to the Lord for a few focused minutes a day it would change everything. I've just been so unorganized with my time... no more!
- Read more Sandra Boynton.