Mommy Musings

5 Weeks 6 Days

JM and I found out on Mother's Day. We were elated, though I have to admit I was shaking for the first hour. Finding out that you have a living person growing inside of you is kind of a big deal. I almost didn't know what to do with the information. It was too big. My whole life was changing from that moment forward. I trembled at the enormity of the discovery.

But slowly it sank in, and my trembling turned to excitement until I couldn't contain it any longer. And then, Text messages! Phone calls! Announcements to parents! My excitement grew and exploded out of me in a rush of bubbly silliness and dancing. We are having a BABY!!!

So now begins the waiting game, the research, the preparation. The curiosity, the eagerness to know what pronoun to use. Everyone's first response to our announcement was that it was going to be a girl. First hunches like that can be fun, but how are you ever to know whether to trust them? I guess that's what makes having them so fun. If it is, in fact, a girl, lots of friends will get to grin and say "Told you so!" And if it is a boy, then the others who don't trust hunches so much will grin and say "You never can tell with these things!"

I have thought of a name for a girl. It was the first one that caught my eye when I looked at baby names on a whim one night. And, honestly, it hasn't left me yet. The meaning of it haunts me, in the best way possible. Maybe a small feminine beauty will appear and slip into the name in my heart; maybe she will need an entirely different name to fit her frame. Maybe it will be a little man of promise and destiny who will claim a noble title yet to be discovered.

So I muse, and I feel things in my heart, but all will come to light in time. Then I will begin to discover what "mother's intuition" is, what love is, what a child is, and who mine is. And that is something to look forward to for sure.

-H